The three D's

Shanghai is a shoppers paradise- if you can barter. Designer bags, dresses, shoes, coats, all at a fraction of the price. The Shanghaiese LOVE to barter. Everything is negotiable (I’ve even argued with pharmacists to have the price lowered on medication). To shop in Shanghai, there are three important feelings to demonstrate- Disgust, Disinterest and Disdain. It’s important to never appear like you want to buy the item you’re after. It’s best to convey the possibility that you MIGHT make a purchase, but you really aren’t that impressed with what the vendor has to offer. There’s a little dance that you have to do every time you buy something (well, maybe not something like toilet roll). The vendor will give you a price, and you must sneer and act appalled, saying “you’re joking, it’s not worth even half that”, in which you can offer a third of the price given. The vendor will then laugh heartily, call you foolish, and say that he has kids to feed, and can’t afford to sell for that cheaply. Then he’ll come back with a price about ¾ of the original. At which point you can tell he to forget it, as you just saw the same thing down the street for significantly cheaper, have a good life buddy. Cue spinning on your heel, and walking away - the most important step in bartering- 9 times out of 10 the vendor will run after you with a reasonable price. There’s no satisfaction unless you get something for at least half its original price. To be honest, in the beginning this was extremely uncomfortable and awkward for me, but now I quite enjoy a good back and forth with the locals. However, I get the feeling everything is negotiable in Shanghai, and you just assume everyone is trying to take you for a fool. It can be terribly wearing at times. Although I can’t wait to bring back my mad negotiation skills to Canada, think of the deals I’d get at summer garage sales!

The Real Deal

I know a lot of people have complained about the vagueness of my posts, as I'm and not delving into the trivial nature of my day to day life. Too much observational blather! I agree. So without further procrastination, here is it:

Shanghai is like any other big city like Toronto or New York, except that almost everyone is Chinese. Everything else has a western flavor (at least on the surface) with McDonalds and KFC always within walkable distances, and big brands like L’Oreal, Apple, and Adidas sold and signposted everywhere.

The funny thing about China, unlike Korea, is that westerners hate each other. In Korea, when you saw someone western, you would feel an instant kinship, and it's possible you might strike up a conversation based on mutual curiosity and loneliness. Not so in China. When you see a Laowai (foreigner) you feel inclined to glare at them, then look away pointedly. James calls it giving “evils”. It’s a strange phenomenon, and the people I've talked to don't really know where this animosity stems from. Everyone seems to feel a right to China, and that other westerners are invading their turf. Also, everyone IS but doesn't want to be, the stereotypical white expat. We glare at others because we either feel that either they are this stereotypical white expat (beer drinking, woman chasing, money hungry), or that they think we are.

So because of this, meeting people has been difficult. In terms of friends, you really only have your workmates, which is entirely luck of the draw. I've been fairly lucky as most people are interesting, and sane, but I've not found the same comradery that I enjoyed in Korea. Because Shanghai is much more western, and life is easier, those bonds you create with others from feeling utterly lost aren’t so common.

Other aspects of life are good. My apartment is pretty fantastic. Although, it is my first apartment, and I've always been easily pleased. Other than the fact that our apartment complex is surrounded by three or four whorehouses, and my neighbors have the occasional domestic, it feels like home. I've even got my own little dvd man selling right outside the apartment building, with all the new DVDs for the low low price of 4 kuai or 75 cents. Just picked up Fantastic Mr Fox the other day.

The ladies in the brothels seem rather... domestic. It must be an odd life living in a glass house. I walk by them every night to see them playing cards, doing each other’s nails, knitting, and eating noodles (not at the same time). Some of them get all gussied up, and some of them don't even bother, lounging around like fresh faced college girls in sweats and t-shirts. They don't seem to be getting a lot of business, and seem not unhappy, but bored.

James and I are fine. Better than fine, mostly we're happy. And comfortable. I've designated Sunday's to be his night to cook. A little insecure about his new responsibility he often waits for me to come home first before he starts, just incase things go awry. And for good reason. Once he made pasta, and while at work I texted him to make sure he used 'lots of onions'. I returned home to find him just about to pour a cup of garlic into the sauce. Cooking school 101- garlic is NOT onion. But now I have a cup of nicely chopped garlic in the fridge to use, so I’m not complaining.

So there you go, a real life update. It just feels like regular old life here. I recently watched a program that went on and on about the global superstar that is Shanghai with its 20 million people and exponential expansion. But really, it's just another place to hang my hat. And until China runs out of cheesecake, or chocolate, I think I’ll be just fine.

The Stress Relief

There are certain customs in western culture that slow down the pace of life, and in general, prevent us from plowing over in each other in an attempt to get ahead. Basic human courtesies, like letting an elderly person take your seat on the tube, holding the door for the person behind you and apologizing for stomping on someone’s foot.

No such system of courtesy exists in Shanghai. In fact, entirely the opposite presides. YOU are the SINGLE most important person on the planet. YOU will get there first. YOU will knock down the elderly lady with the crutch to get through the subway doors in time. YOU will jump the line when the person in front of you checks their watch. Screw everyone else. You snooze…. You don’t belong in Shanghai.
This is a difficult thing for a Canadian to get used to, and at times the city feels like a big soul sucking vacuum, that leaves its residents devoid of their humanity. And so far, I’ve found only slight evidence to suggest otherwise.

But at times, breaking these ingrained faux pas can be quite good stress relief:

Next time, shove your way through a crowd without ever muttering a single ‘sorry’. In fact, give a stone cold glare at those you elbow out of your way (although the shanghaiese don’t even blink when pushed, their compact bodies resilient against all battering).

Hork up a big chunk of phlegm, and just spit it out on the floor- wherever, whenever- at the gym, supermarket or near someone’s shoe on the sidewalk. REMEMBER the louder the sound of the horking, the better. And if you practice, you can get some pretty good distance.

Smoke at a McDonalds, in line at the bank or in the hospital waiting room. If you are talking to someone while smoking, they like it a lot when you blow the smoke RIGHT between their eyes. In fact you’ve probably just saved them some money from having to buy themselves a pack.

Stare at strange people if they look different than you. It’s probably best if you nudge your neighbor, point and then whisper about how they look. Do they look funny? Have a laugh about it! They’re different than you, the weirdos! They deserve the attention!

Tell people the stuff they’re selling is crap. It’s really, utterly, and completely useless. I wouldn’t even use it to clean my shoe. But I’ll pay 10 Rmb for it. Ok, fine, I’ll pay 20 rmb for your useless crappyity, crap.

Pee. Pee anywhere. If you want to pee beside the fruit store, you should do it. Why shouldn’t you indulge in a completely natural human action when you feel the urge? It’s not like you should LOOK for a toilet, do you have any idea how long that might take? Minutes? Waste my bloody time.

Throw some trash over your shoulder. Don’t bother to walk those ten paces to the garbage can.
What do you think street cleaners are paid for? Twiddling their thumbs? Bird Watching?

Put your children in butt-less pants. People like to see naked baby butts, especially slightly soiled ones! They can always wipe them on the subway seats if they get too dirty. Baby cheeks are the cutest things, aren’t they? Think of how much money you’re going to save on diapers! If they need to do a doody, they can just have at ‘er!

My personal favorite- completely and totally ignore people. You are temporarily deaf. Even if they are right up under your nose, the best thing to do is to just look around at your surroundings, pretend you see something that interests you, and avoid eye contact. This is great when people chase you down the road to sell you something enormously useful like glowing roller wheels for your shoes, or a pen that makes shines a psychedelic green pattern of light.

The Lawless Land

Some people refer to Shanghai as the “Wild Wild West” of Asia, or more aptly, “the Wild Wild East”.
I’m not entirely sure what kind of system exists to govern its people, if in fact one does. Shanghai has an air about it, that seems to say With 14 million people, so what if we lose a couple along the way? Shanghaiese people, with the amount of competition that exists in all factions of life, don’t have time to slow don’t, look both ways, queue up, or stop before stomping on their fellow man.

In the west, we are drowning in rules. How we put out the trash, clean up after our dogs, dispose of our waste, cross the street, act in public etc, etc, etc. In Shanghai, the same LAWS exist- those biggies like don’t murder, steal or run around naked- still hold true. However, it seems that by-laws- those itsy bitsy nitpicky ones- don’t exist.

If you feel like pouring today’s dinner down the grate in the road, by all means.
If you own a motorcycle and feel that you might prefer the challenge of weaving around pedestrians on the sidewalk, give it a go.
If you have nowhere to throw out your trash, any bit of ground will do.

The times Shanghai shocks me most, is when travelling around as a pedestrian. Shanghaiese people have the amazing ability to never slow down, no matter what is happening in front of them. Construction workers don’t bother putting up time consuming things such as boundaries, or warning signs, but will simply drill in the sidewalk as people walk within inches of their drill. Neither do they bother wearing such ridiculous clothing such as hardhats, safety goggles or gloves. It’s common to see someone drilling in a slacks and a t-shirt. I’ve gotten in the habit of shielding my eyes with my hands every time I pass one of these construction sites, as in my first week here a flying piece of cement struck me an inch from my eye. The pedestrian walkways are a veritable obstacle course- ten points for avoiding the broken sewer grate, twenty for jumping over the hobo, a whooping fifty to avoid the ten mopeds rushing toward you.

It feels like everyone is under some country-wide deadline. However, I wonder if this society could survive at all, if everyone did slow down. If 14 million people starting saying, “No, please, after you” I could only imagine the pedestrian gridlock that would ensue.

With 14 million people, we probably will lose a couple at long the way. To shoddy construction, rogue motorcycles, and flying pieces of concrete. But I’m sure going to do my damndest not to be one of them.

The Culture Shock

When I lived in Korea, as the initial numbness wore away, but it was replaced with something else. A deep and restless depression. Simply ignoring all the little problems that would normal irk me, they began to collect in my self-conscious like a massive rubbish heap of anxiety. Eventually this pile became too big to ignore, and I felt ill at ease shifting through the masses of social ineptitude, and cultural misunderstandings.

Knowing what was coming, I was better prepared for it this time. It’s surprising how small accomplishments feel like giant triumphs when you’re feeling your way out of the fog. The first time taking the Subway. Finding a gocerery store, and buying a familiar food. Walking your way to work without getting lost. Ordering local food on your own. Finding an apartment. Each little personal triumph widens your safety net, as your local knowledge starts to spider web before you. And the safer you start to feel, the more that is truly familiar (a home slept in, a food eaten, a street navigated) the more willing you are to take small but necessary risks to open yourself to your new country. Learning new words, trying new foods, feeling less fearful when you make small, but unavoidable cultural faux pas.

Once the basics of food, shelter, and comfort are taken care of- once you feel like you can take care of yourself, each risk taken, and triumph made lifts the fog further, until you feel ready to look around with virgin eyes at your alien planet.
I’ve heard that human experience is like hanging coats on a coat hanger. The coat represents a single unique moment of experience. The coat hanger is prior experience that allows you to understand new experiences in context, to organize them neatly in your mind.

When you have no coat hanger- no prior, similar experience to which you can relate what is happening around you, the coats simply fall and collect in a heap on the floor. Much more difficult to sort though.

Eventually you do sort through it. It just takes a heck of a lot longer. Maybe you get a set of drawers? Mind drawers- I like the sound of that..

That analogy sounded much better the first time I heard it…

The White Noise

Arriving in Shanghai was a somewhat surreal experience. I can never anticipate how culture shock is going to affect me, but I seem to go through some distinct stages.
Upon arriving in this metropolis, the first thing that struck me was the chaos of it all. An underlying buzz, a pulsating vibe, a constant white noise rung in my ears. The whir of traffic, rivers of shuffling feet, cling-clang of money, hum of televisions, and the loudly chewing, talking, arguing shanghaiese, all resulted in total sensory overload.

Shanghai is an assault on your senses. Buildings scream at you with neon lights, smells on the street alternate between the mouthwatering and the putrescent. The clothes are vibrant, mismatched with stripes, dots and florals. The sounds are the most overwhelming, as cars, bikes and mopeds zoom by, babies cry, old men cough and spit on the streets, and horns honk, resulting in an orchestra of white noise.

When I first arrive in a country, the first stage of my own personal culture shock is always numbness. Nothing feels different. Nothing is unusual. This in itself is an odd feeling. My mind completely ignores everything that it doesn’t understand, and just accepts it as is. I don’t notice how strange it is that there are mopeds on the sidewalk, street vendors pushing meat sticks at me, or toddlers walking around with buttless pants. My brain says to me, “same old-same old” and fails to recognize any of the telltale signs that I am not in Kansas anymore.

My brain fills with the sound of white noise as the city hums around me, and walks my body around like a marionette. No questions are formed, no conclusions are drawn, I simply absorb the world around me like a seeping sponge, letting it all mix together to be figured out later.

I don’t even blink when I pass an open-front store filled with full, hanging, rotting cows, blood draining onto the sidewalk- right next to a convenience store. My brains says “Hey, a 7-11, maybe they have chocolate!”

Blogger Blahs

Recently found out what widgets are, thus the fish. I know gidget, I know midgets (albeit not personally) but widgets- not so much. A word part of the apparently vast bloggers vocabulary that I am sadly unfamiliar with. Along with "Gavatar" and "Readomattic", a new language has formed to further frighten technophobes.

I considered getting a "girls washing a car and possibly something more' widget just out of plain curiosity. I refrained as I aim to keep this a PG blog.

If you want, you can just picture it instead of the fish.