The Loud Mouths

Haven’t written in a while as I’m not sure what to say. It’s surprising how quickly even an exotic lifestyle begins to seem blasé. It’s amazing how soon the shocking feels mundane. As creatures of habit we quickly grasp on to what feels familiar, and even in a strange environment we create a routine reminiscent of our comfortable past.

Maybe one of the final stages of culture shock is to stagnate, as I feel that I might be doing - going to western places, with western people and becoming less curious of the unknown. I find myself simply blocking out that isolating feeling of bewilderment, and avoiding that which confuses me. Not trying to work through my difficulties, avoiding circumstances in which I feel challenged, and leaving my experiences unexplored.

Feeling all the while the world is privy to my ignorance, and generally suspicious that people are mocking my stumbles.

The city which felt so vast, open, and bursting with opportunities, feels stifling on some days. And loud. Filled with displaced people with big views, loud mouths, and no social system to fit into. Sometimes I love expats; how different they are, how varying their life views are and how affected they are by their experiences.

Although never having anyone to account to, never having to keep friendships (or jobs ) for long, constantly meeting new people (and fitting them into a make-shift hierarchy)makes us all showboat and try to prove our worth with too much vulgarity. Too often do I find myself in a room with loud North Americans, out-shouting each other, engaging in battles of verbal diarrhea, spewing nonsensical political and social commentary to prove our unchallenged self-worth and worldliness.

Too often am I one those North Americans.

In these moments sometimes I realize how immigrants in our own countries must feel, how easily we bond through our isolation, and through feelings of being unaccepted. How quickly a homogeneous group of heterosexual, mid-twenties, white, middle class North Americans will let their tongues slip into racial slurs, unkind generalizations, and a mockery of those different to us. How quickly we can turn from worldly travelers with open minds to “Us vs. Them”.

Of course not all expats are like this. And not all nights are like this. But not so often do I meet people I really connect with. Not so often do I come out if these encounters feeling like I’ve learned anything other than what fools we all are.

So, to sum it up - I need to try harder. I need to find places and people that change me for the better and encourage the good qualities in me to blossom, rather than feeding the darkness that lives within us all. That self-indulgent, vacuous and shallow person I know I sometimes can be needs real kick in the arse.